(Clearwisdom.net) For a while I was doing the three things neither diligently nor in a relaxed way. Yet I couldn't seem to resolve a feeling of being bogged down. Teacher has reminded us over and over in recent articles about looking inward. Although I searched inward, and I felt that I was strict with myself, I still felt that there hadn't been any real change. Today I discussed this with my wife and realized the root of my attachments. I want to share with fellow practitioners who are in a similar state or have similar attachments.
1. Immediately Negate Attachments
I feel that I am usually pretty strict with myself, striving to have every thought align with the Fa. I can realize my attachments with any thought, but I can't get rid of them. In fact, there is a big loophole here; that is, when my attachment was exposed I always thought, "This is my attachment that I need to get rid of. When I see it later, I must reject it and get rid of it." On the surface, there is nothing wrong with this thought, but it covered up a problem. It allows room and time for the attachment to continue to exist. That is the problem with "later." I allowed it to exist from the "now" until "later" so that it could live. And the "later" I had set for myself was also open-ended. As a result, this attachment was always there. When we recognize an attachment, we should negate it immediately. Do not allow any room or time for it to continue to exist.
2. Stop Trying to Cover Up Attachments
When fellow practitioners pointed out my attachments, I always said, "I realize this attachment as well. I already know about it and I am getting rid of it." In fact, these words already showed that I did not want to accept others' criticism. I was trying to cover up my attachment. The words themselves exposed my attachment.
My wife told me a story about Su Dongpo from the Song Dynasty. One day, Su Dongpo felt that he had been cultivating well and was unmoved by anything. He wrote the following poem: "Bowing to Buddha, I was able to see lights illuminating all worlds. None of the human emotions or others' opinions can move me as I sit on a purple-golden lotus." Afterwards, he told a servant to take the poem to a monk named Foyin who lived in Jinshan Temple on the other side of the river. Foyin read his poem and wrote "Nonsense" on the paper and told the servant to take it back to Su Dongpo. Su Dongpo was very upset when he saw it. He thought to himself, "I have been able to cultivate so well. Nothing in everyday people's world can move my heart anymore. Yet you think it was 'nonsense.'" He decided to visit the monk himself to argue his case. When he got there, the monk had gone out, but he had left a note for Su Dongpo saying, "No human emotions or opinions from others can move you, yet one 'nonsense' led you across the river."
My first reaction after I heard the story was that I did not get upset like Su Dongpo when I was being criticized. I said, "When you were criticizing me, my heart wasn't moved at that moment..." Before I could finish my sentence, I remembered that sometimes I could not handle my xinxing well upon hearing criticism from some practitioners. I stopped myself from saying any more. I laughed at myself because my attachment was so clearly displayed, yet there I was, still defending myself. I thought I had understood the Fa of "hide the hiding of their attachments" But in practice, I was still doing it. The moment I stopped talking, I was deeply ashamed for holding onto my attachments.
When I realized my fundamental attachment, I was truly thankful to my wife for helping me to recognize it. I am thankful to Teacher for his care and protection.
