(Minghui.org) The Sydney fish market is the largest market in the Southern Hemisphere. It is an important location for truth-clarification because many Chinese tourists go there to buy seafood. Several of us have been going there daily for many years.

I live near the fish market, so all the materials are stored in my garage. I am also responsible for charging the two media players used to play the exercise music and truth-clarification messages every night and setting everything up in the morning.

At the site, we send forth righteous thoughts to clear the field before demonstrating the exercises and handing out informational materials]. We also encourage the Chinese tourists to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations.

Many people have learned the facts about Dafa and the persecution from us. Some have agreed to quit the Party, some have asked us to help them circumvent the internet firewall so they can visit the Minghui website on their phone, and some have downloaded Zhuan Falun to read later.

Last August 2018, a young man quit the Youth League and the Young Pioneers with his real name and started practicing Falun Dafa. He worked at the market, so our coordinator helped him find an apartment nearby. He can now sit in the double-lotus position for the entire hour. He is a big help at our site.

Recently, an 86-year old woman came to our site and asked for a copy of Zhuan Falun and the exercise demonstration video. A few days prior, a Chinese gentleman in his 70s did the same thing. We knew they came because Master [Li Hongzhi] arranged it.

Many practitioners, especially the younger ones, have also joined us to clarify the truth.

Truly Looking Within

In May, I suddenly had severe back pain and didn't go to group study. Although I was in a lot of pain, I still charged the media players to be used the next day. Due to the pain, I didn't go to the truth-clarification site for two days.

When I went to the market on the third day, I found an additional media player in the cart. Someone told me that Xiao said my media players ran out of power the day before and called the coordinator to bring a new one.

I felt wronged and upset. “Xiao probably didn't know how to operate the media players. She just threw me under the bus by calling the coordinator!” In addition to the pain in my back, I now felt a heaviness in my heart.

Instead of looking within, all I could think about was how to prove that I had charged the players. I intentionally kept using the media players without charging them overnight, and the power lasted for more than two days. I sarcastically said to another practitioner, “See, the media players still have power. Xiao was wrong and I was right.”

Although it had been more than six days, my back still hurt, which got me to thinking, “I was right about the media players, so why do I still have pain?” I then read an experience sharing article on the Minghui website and came across something Master said:

“Some people are always stressing that they’re right, but even if you are right, even if you’re not wrong, so what? Have you improved on the basis of the Fa?” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)

Wasn't this describing me? Didn't I always stress I was right? I used everyday people's standards to judge right and wrong and failed to improve on the basis of the Fa. With all kinds of attachments, how could I not feel uncomfortable?

Even if Xiao didn't operate the media players correctly, she quickly found a solution instead of stopping what we had to do. She did nothing wrong.

Looking further inside, I realized what happened was not a coincidence, that Master had arranged it to help me improve. On the surface, I was right and Xiao was wrong. But as a cultivator, one's first thought should be to unconditionally look within when conflicts arise and to validate Dafa and not oneself as I had been doing.

As soon as I recognized my attachment, the heaviness in my heart disappeared--and so did my back pain!

I had lived in China for more than 60 years and had been indoctrinated by the Party. Having taught in schools for decades, I had the “occupational disease” of disdain and authoritarianism. I became very competitive and developed all kinds of attachments while trying to seek fame and personal profit.

My biggest attachments were to self-righteousness and showing off. I always wanted to draw attention to myself and express my opinions whenever possible, with the intention of proving I was superior and correct.

I also imposed my opinions on others and would look for their shortcomings. Sometimes, when practitioners wanted to share understandings with me, I would offer only criticism. Then I would blow up when others pointed out any shortcoming of mine.

From this incident, I identified my fundamental attachments to validating myself, sentimentality, competitiveness, and jealousy. I was astonished to realize that I had these attachments, in addition to many others. I thought I had been cultivating well, but after 19 years, I found all of my attachments were still there!

Master said, “Each of your attachments could cause your cultivation to fail.” (Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference)

Fortunately, Fa-rectification is not over yet. I still have a chance to do better and catch up. Now that I know how to cultivate, my xinxing has improved. As soon as I feel upset, I know I have departed from the Fa! When I immediately correct myself based on the Fa, the anger disappears instantly.

I've also started to look at things in the opposite way of how I used to and remind myself, “If I can't tolerate one person, how can I tolerate the world? If I can't save one person, how can I save sentient beings?”

I feel remorse as I have hurt my husband and others with unkind words in the past. I no longer resent the police officers in China who persecuted me. I have found the capacity of my heart expanding.

Looking within has helped me see through my fake self wrapped in layers of selfishness and attachments and helped me understand that only by removing these layers can I improve my xinxing.