(Minghui.org) The most difficult aspect of cultivation has been overcoming family tribulations; I've always had a hard time with that. My wife has a bad temper. She nags, gets upset easily, and has said that I am a dirty pig, “Just like your mother.” My mother passed away 10 years ago, and I didn’t like hearing my wife say this. I knew that she was helping me cultivate, but I still resented her. I wondered how to improve further and overcome this tribulation.

She once really let me have it, and I said a few things back to her. She got upset, and her eyes became swollen from crying. She didn't talk to me for two days. I worried about not elevating in cultivation on this issue and knew I had to overcome it.

I asked myself, “Why can't I pass this hurdle and let go of resentment?” In thinking about it, I realized that my cultivation had been superficial. Although I studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts, these were not enough, because I was not truly cultivating. I was always wandering down the road of “conflict” and then “regret,” and I seldom truly improved. Whenever there was a conflict, I always looked at it superficially, regretted it afterward, and then did it again without having improved.

Letting Go

I looked within again and realized that the root of this resentment is an acquired, filthy thing. Only when Dafa cleans it out can there be kindness and compassion and no resentment or hatred. When I had the desire to improve, Master Li helped me. I remembered he said, “But true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. II)

In particular, the words “letting go” must be remembered. To let it go, one has to take a step back. How easy is this? Our attachments, such as to self and to human thinking and notions, are like a vast ocean. The process of letting go of attachments is a process of purification and sublimation. The entire cultivation process is a process of letting go.

When I think like this, I am more broadminded and become more relaxed. When my wife nagged me again, I was like an auspicious cloud outside of what was happening and could look at her calmly. No matter how domineering and rude she was, I could accept it peacefully. As long as she supports my cultivation, that is enough.

There can be differences of opinion between husband and wife. Insisting on one’s own opinion leads to fights and grudges. I know that letting go is the right solution. For example, when we bought meat to fill dumplings, she always asked me to chop the filling at home rather than mix the meat into the filling at the store. When I asked her why, she said it was cleaner to do it that way. When I said it wouldn’t matter because many people were buying meat at the store, she got mad at me. I then told her that I would do as she suggested. Her “cleanliness” and my “saving time” are both notions. Giving up my notion prevented discord. She has been helping me to cultivate. And if there is any escalation of conflict, it would allow me to make further improvement by letting go.

Defender of the Universe

When our granddaughter had a fever, my wife used wine for acupuncture and massage. I was concerned when I saw this, because my granddaughter cultivates Dafa and would be polluted by such black matter, so I asked my wife to stop. She got very angry with me. My granddaughter looked at me pitifully. I felt very resentful and even had some evil thoughts. If this had occurred before, I would have taken the child away, but this time I didn’t. I realized that Master takes care of my granddaughter—who could harm her? This was a good opportunity for me to eliminate resentment, so I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate it! Then my heart no longer felt blocked and I lightened up.

Master said, “Our practice has a focus and truly points out those attachments. By abandoning them, one will make very rapid progress in cultivation.” (Lecture Five, Zhuan Falun)

I kept Master’s words in mind. When my human mind, notions, and demonic nature came forth, I was able to seize and remove them! Since then, my improvement has been obvious.

This is simple, easy, and effective. I see myself as the defender of the small universe of my own body. I am responsible for its positive factors. If part of my body feels uncomfortable or painful, it means that there is something wrong with this universe. I send righteous thoughts to correct the celestial body so that sentient beings can be saved.

After I formed a habit of “letting go,” I saw that my wife is to be pitied. Regardless of our predestined relationship, I will regard her harming me as an attainment for me. Sometimes when she was about to get angry, I asked her not to so that she would accrue less karma. When I could tolerate her and be more forgiving, I felt noble.

My wife is not in good health. Before she goes out, she often asks me to help her put on her shoes. At first, I thought it was beneath me and was not willing to do it. But then I asked myself, “What is being noble? Isn't it doing for others? Isn't my wife one of the others?” When I changed my thinking, my behavior naturally changed. I put others first in my heart and regard it as being kind to others, and that it makes me happy, so I do it willingly.

The same is true among practitioners. Regardless of how well we cultivate, you will see sometimes see others’ shortcomings or aspects of demonic nature. But, if you can give up the conflict, not look at their shortcomings, and only look at the good things, you will not be tempted, and there will be no separations between practitioners.

For example, I once saw a practitioner go for a Gua Sha treatment. I was very surprised to see it, but I immediately knew to “let it go.” If it had happened before, I would have told him not to do it.

I remember Master said, “Don't look at the negative side of other people. You should always look at their positive side.” (Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)

Master is very clear about every practitioner’s cultivation status. Other practitioners’ shortcomings serve as a mirror for us to cultivate ourselves. Only by not looking at their faults can we see our own shortcomings. As you continue to let go, you will realize that you have become more compassionate, and you will gradually reach the Dafa standard. Only by letting go of yourself can you put others in your heart and give to others, and you will become cleaner.