(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for 22 years but could not focus on studying the Fa teachings very well in the past. My thoughts often wandered or I felt sleepy during Fa study.
Because I did not study well, nor did I cultivate solidly, I seldom looked inward to find my shortcomings. Even if I did, I was unable to dig out the root cause of my attachments.
As a result, I had a lot of resentment for my husband. I often thought he should do a better job of helping me take care of our son and do more housework so I could have more free time to study the Fa.
Teacher said:
“When some people read Zhuan Falun they are not concentrating, but rather, thinking about other things, and not able to focus their attention on cultivation. It thus amounts to wasting time.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XI)
I knew my cultivation state was not right, but even though I was very concerned, I could not make a breakthrough and improve myself.
Attachment of Relying on Others
On New Year’s Eve in 2019, I’d worked overtime and returned home late. I was wondering what special dishes my husband might have prepared for the big day.
On the table, I saw two empty plates. Apparently, my husband and my son had already eaten.
Both of them kept talking on their phones and didn’t say a thing to me. I was furious and almost turned around to leave. But I stopped and instead complained to my husband. He argued back and turned his temper on our son.
In the end, we were all in a bad mood on New Year’s Eve, and I vaguely sensed that it was all my fault.
After looking inward quietly for a few days, I finally found my deep-down attachment of relying on others! Hindered by the attachment of expecting others to do things, I had not learned to be tolerant. I complained about them and thought I wasn’t being treated fairly.
I realized those conflicts were helping to expose my hidden attachment and human notions.
Stick Warning and Continued Improvement
I returned home one day after telling a friend the facts about Falun Dafa and picked up Zhuan Falun to study and memorize.
When I read, “Different Levels Have Different Fa ...” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun), I suddenly felt I was being told to improve my character and adhere to higher standards.
At my cultivation level, the words “Stick Warning” came to mind. I believe that Teacher was worried about me so he reminded me to cultivate solidly and look inwards. Teacher said: “... you should become enlightened on your own.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I should count on myself to make righteous decisions without always relying on fellow practitioners.
Teacher said: “Several hundred years have passed. Yet there are people today who still hold firmly to the doctrines of Zen Buddhism.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I recalled that I went through tremendous hardships through so many reincarnations. Finally, I obtained the Fa, but I still held onto human notions and was not making righteous decisions to behave the way I should. Those few sentences really pointed out my state at the time.
Teacher said:
“When Shakyamuni became enlightened under the Bodhi Tree, he did not reach the Tathagata level right away. He was also constantly improving himself during the forty-nine years of his Dharma teaching.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
When I read that, Teacher let me understand the profound meaning of the Fa. After the stick warning, he kindly encouraged me to keep improving.
I was very touched and moved to tears. Grateful beyond words, I kept saying, “Thank you, Teacher!” And I finally had a little understanding of something else Teacher said: “Every aspect of xinxing must be improved for you to make real progress.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I also realized that Dafa cultivation is extremely serious! How many times did I reincarnate to finally obtain the opportunity to cultivate!
At this critical moment, I should work hard to remove my attachment. I thought of Teacher’s poem:
“Cultivation is not hard,It’s attachments that are hard to part with.When will you sever those many attachments?All know the sea of hardship has no shore.If your will is not firm,The hurdles are like mountains.How will you transcend this mortal life?”(“Severing,” Hong Yin Vol. I,Translation Version A)
Gratitude for Teacher
Teacher said:
“… as long as you are steadfast in cultivating by this Fa, everything will be yours. That's definitely the case, so as long as you study it earnestly, it is the same as my teaching you directly.”(“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
Indeed, I experienced how Dafa can reveal infinite meaning in just a few words. I was very touched and could not imagine how wonderful the boundless Fa manifests at different levels.
I often tear up, knowing that Teacher was worried about me when I did not do well and lost many opportunities to improve.
I cannot express my gratitude to Teacher. When I miss Teacher, I recite his poem:
“Four years has the wild evil surgedA steady helm has assured the right courseThe Disciples of Fa have gone through evil trialsAnd though great the pressure, their wills are unbowedThere is no effect between master and discipleThe Buddha’s grace remolds Heaven and EarthWhen disciples have ample righteous thoughtsMaster has the power to turn back the tide”(“The Master-Disciple Bond,” Hong Yin Vol. II)
Category: Improving Oneself
