(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997, when I was 10 years old. Since childhood, I wasn’t particularly smart or attractive, but was somehow clumsy. Despite being somewhat slow-witted, I often had strange thoughts flashing through my mind, “Why am I in this world? Why am I me? Why am I in this body?” These questions would leave my mind blank, and I would be standing there, staring at myself without knowing why.
When I was four or five years old, I experienced a very strange incident. I was alone at home and really wanted to eat jelly. I was sitting in front of a wooden box without an opening, but there was a small curtain hanging in front of the wooden box. I muttered, “I want to eat jelly! I want to eat jelly!” Just after saying that, a yellow jelly rolled out from inside the wooden box. I was both surprised and delighted. I opened it, tasted it, and it was delicious. I wanted to eat more, so I tried saying it a few more times, but the jelly didn’t appear again. When I told people about the incident, no one believed me. But, I have never forgotten this incident.
When I saw stories about immortals and demons on television, I never thought that these things were fake. So, when I first encountered Falun Dafa, I knew that I wanted to cultivate, and this desire came from the depths of my heart. During the first few years after obtaining the Fa, I was happy. I went to the exercise site, clarified the truth, listened to recordings of the Fa teachings, attended group Fa study and experience sharing sessions where everyone sat together to share insights and experiences.
After the onset of the persecution, which began on July 20, 1999, I became less diligent. I gradually lost interest in doing the exercises, and stopped altogether after some time. I would however, occasionally study the Fa, preventing me from getting lost in the societal whirlpool. My mother, also a practitioner, never gave up on me, telling me to study the Fa, ensuring I didn’t deviate from the principles of Dafa.
As I grew older, I became immersed in mobile games and online novels. Although I knew that these were not good for me, I couldn’t break free from them. Later, I married a non-practitioner, and my thoughts suddenly matured. I realized that I couldn’t continue being lax. I struggled to return to the diligent state I had when I first started cultivation. It wasn’t until early this year when Master published “How Humankind Came to Be” that I truly began to cultivate diligently once again.
The reason I couldn’t be diligent was because I didn’t study the Fa enough, so I decided to increase the amount of time studying the Fa. My work was not too busy, so I used the daytime to study the Fa more. I found an old phone, formatted it, set it to airplane mode, and did not insert a SIM card. It mainly was used for studying the Fa. However, I didn’t have electronic versions of the Dafa books. I searched on the Minghui website, but couldn’t find them. I used the phone camera to take pictures of a few shorter lectures and downloaded some of the latest teachings.
After reading them, I knew I should study Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa. However, I still couldn’t find the electronic version on the Minghui website, so I took pictures of the first lecture and continued searching for the electronic version. I thought that if I couldn’t find it, I would take pictures of each page of Zhuan Falun. I was determined to study the Fa. Master saw my sincerity, and I found the electronic version on the Minghui website. Not only did I get Zhuan Falun, but also many other Dafa books. I was so excited and kept thanking Master from deep within my heart.
Whenever I had time at work, I would read the Dafa books. After I finished reading all of them, my laziness kicked in. Reading every day felt like completing a task, and once the task was done, I would think, “Finally, I can relax and look at my phone.”
I was well aware that I shouldn’t have been on my phone so much. I’d been trying to break the habit over the years, but with little success. Every time I looked at my phone, I would feel anxious, telling myself, “Why am I so weak? Can’t I put down my phone?” However, I would feel my hand gravitating to the phone, and I just couldn’t put it down. Despite feeling anxious, I couldn’t seem to change. I’d been silently asking for Master’s help to break my addiction to the phone.
One day, while studying the Fa, a passage struck me. Master said,
“But if this phony qigong master could not respond to the question, wouldn’t others realize that he was a fake? Therefore, he dared to make it up and said that One Mysterious Pass is at the tip of a man’s private part. It sounds quite funny. Do not laugh, for this book has already been published in society. This is to say that qigong books today have reached such a ridiculous extent. What is the use of your reading those books? It serves no use and can only be harmful.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
This paragraph of the Fa was like a wake-up call, making me feel reluctant to pick up my phone again. Master used the principles of the Fa to enlighten me, helping me eliminate the negative substances that were controlling me. This time, I should never think of using my phone again. However, there was still a gap between understanding and implementation when it came to the subject matter. Master helped me eliminate most of the negative substances, but the rest depended on my willpower and righteous thoughts.
I was able to use my phone significantly less, which felt quite good. I thought I got rid of the bad habit completely, but after a while, the life’s boredom and desire to relax resurfaced. When I picked up the Fa to read, I didn’t want to read it, and couldn’t sit still when studying the Fa. My whole body was uncomfortable. It was actually the struggle of that negative substance on its last leg. Sometimes, I would pick up the phone and put it down right away. Other times, there would be a thought in my mind saying it’s okay to just check my phone for a while, which tricked me several times. Once, I picked up the phone, I couldn’t put it down for one or two hours.
I made a conscious effort to restrain myself. The time spent on the phone during my working day became less and less, and I could not use the phone during lunch break. However, before going to bed at night, I had a habit of using electronic devices to watch short videos. Because the time spent was short, I didn’t initially realize the impact on me, thinking that because I had persisted throughout the day, it should be okay to watch videos for a while at night. However, I found that I couldn’t get up for the morning exercises. It was all due to my relaxed mindset. The lazy thought of wanting to relax and take it easy is actually an acquired notion. After I realized the problem, I no longer watched videos on the phone or any other electronic device at night. Instead, I used the evenings to memorize the Fa or send forth righteous thoughts. After a while, I completely got rid of the attachment to my phone.
During the process of giving up the attachment, I discovered more attachments, such as impatience, fear, and worry. I often thought about completely eliminating an attachment as soon as I found it. However, when the same issue cropped up again, the attachment repeatedly interfered with me, I lacked righteous thoughts and would be in a hurry to eliminate other attachments. But this impatience deviated from the Fa, as the unshakable mind should remain unchanged. I realized that I should achieve what Master said about “...gradual, slow, and smooth...” (Chapter II in The Great Way of Spiritual Perfection), which was the opposite of my extreme ways of doing things.
I had been restraining myself to conform to the Fa, but I hadn’t truly assimilated to the Fa. By restraining my attachments to cultivate, I felt bitter, and the progress in cultivation was slow. It’s like a person cultivating in the deep mountains and forests, where attachments were gradually worn away. After assimilating to the Fa, the attachments were instantly removed, as if it had never appeared, and I felt peaceful and calm.
The lesson in my mind was to study the Fa more. Studying the Fa more allows me to wake up on time for the morning exercises, send forth righteous thoughts with a more focused mind, and improved the state of clarifying the truth about Dafa.
Although I sometimes encountered difficulties in studying the Fa, such as feeling drowsy, and having a restless mind, I would persist. Through perseverance, I have become more diligent, and deeply understand how precious the Fa is. Over these years, I’m grateful for Master’s compassion. I am determined to catch up with the process of the Fa-rectification and return home with Master.
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