(Minghui.org) In The Ultimate Goal of Communism, it says, “The essence of communism is an evil spirit, which is composed of hatred and all kinds of rotten things in the lower dimensions. Out of hatred, it has massacred more than 100 million people and destroyed thousands of years of splendid civilization. Out of hatred, it has unscrupulously corrupted human morality, lured people away from God, and betrayed God in order to achieve its ultimate goal of destroying mankind.”

Hatred and resentment often appear as substances in my dimensional field. Once when I was concentrating on eliminating them, I discovered that in another dimension my attachments and desires generated hatred. I also found that there is a demon that fans the flames, sowing discord, and creating the feeling of unfairness. It uses the bad notions I formed, as well as the attachments and desires that I have not yet eliminated, to generate the substance of hatred, and imposes it on me. This usually manifests as feelings of jealousy and resentment. Because my cultivation level is limited I usually cannot clearly see this substance and reject it.

Eliminating Jealousy

Jealousy has been a very stubborn attachment for me. Jealousy can easily lead to resentment. During my two-and-a-half years of cultivation, I have focused on getting rid of it. For example, I often talk about it while discussing cultivation experiences with other practitioners. I also talk with Western practitioners, as they have been living in a normal society with no Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture. When I actively try to cultivate myself and eliminate my jealousy, Master enlightens me.

My not being able to see my own bad behavior and always wanting to justify things are two major sources of my jealousy. It mainly manifests when I can’t stand some people’s bad habits, such as showing off, being cunning, flattery, taking advantage of others, and so on. Especially when it touches on my own interests, I just can’t tolerate it. I label those people and form a prejudice against them: “This person is selfish and doesn’t deserve good things.” My strong competitive mentality is another manifestation of my jealousy. Especially towards those whose conduct seems bad to me, or when someone gets good things without putting in much effort—I feel the situation is unfair and I’m jealous.

I have a wrong notion: I always feel a person’s ability, effort, and moral character should determine how well he does. If a person isn’t very capable, doesn’t try hard, his character is not good, or he is selfish, opportunistic, or cunning, I feel that he should not be doing well.

Master said,

“But no matter how smart or cunning a person is, everything ends up the same in the end. Let’s take the case of someone who is very dumb. You may find one person stupid and naive, while another is very cunning. But no matter how you live your life, the outcome is the same. It definitely won’t change any just because a person is cunning, nor will it change any because a person is naive. All that being cunning can do is to turn you into a worse person, and while you create karma you will slide down. As your surroundings and you yourself become tense and strained, the minds of those around you will in turn grow even more complicated, and then their complicated thinking will in turn cause you to grow still worse.” (“Fa Teaching at the U.S. Capital,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Volume VIII)

Master’s Fa opened up the knot in my heart, and I found that I have a strong attachment—a feeling of unfairness hidden in my jealousy. For example, when others are cunning and opportunistic but always seem to succeed I feel it’s unfair and I feel unsettled when they do well—but the principles of the universe are always fair. When I think that something isn’t fair, then I regard myself as an ordinary person, because on the surface, things in the ordinary world are unfair. When I think things are not fair, it is a manifestation of not believing in Master and the Fa.

This also shows that I still have a lot of attachments to fame and gain, because I always judge good and bad based on how well a person does. A cultivator should not care about gains and losses in the human world. When I see other people’s shortcomings I have negative thoughts about them. I have a hard time letting it go if I think someone is selfish and cunning. As a practitioner, I should look inward. However, since I am not tolerant, I’m often obsessed with other people’s attachments, and I can’t get out of the rut.

Another thing that provokes my jealousy is not wanting to fall behind and the thought that I should not walk behind others. This mentality comes from the CCP indoctrination of struggle and being competitive.

Although I don’t really think highly of myself, I sometimes feel discouraged due to my lack of ability. In everyday life, it looks like I have gained things through hard work. These experiences gradually pulled me into a trap: I feel happy when I do better than others, and whenever others do better than I, my competitive mentality explodes. I cannot accept that I am inferior. I feel anxious as I can’t understand that there are many things that I cannot accomplish.

I think that there is nothing wrong with putting in hard work and feeling a sense of accomplishment. My problem is that my brain gives me the illusion that my happiness results from being better than others. Now that I have recognized this, I need to gradually change my thinking.

When I start to feel anxious, competitive, and have the urge to try harder, then I’m going along with the false notion that all people are moving in the same direction, and are on the same track. But in fact, everyone has a very different path, even though it may not look like it on the surface. When I feel competitive, I have to calm down and think about whether I have deviated from my path.

I realized at my current level if there is something, the more I think about it, the more pressure I feel and the more I get entangled, then I must be thinking with ordinary people’s notions. When a cultivator thinks about an issue from the perspective of the Fa, there is always a feeling of the path forward becoming wider and wider.

I had an opportunity to work with another practitioner to clarify the truth to the people in China. We were not familiar with each other before, and his Chinese was not very good. I was surprised that he was able to open up to me quickly and share with me. He told me he felt the people in China always had bad attitudes toward him, and he was jealous of me because I was doing better. I told him that I was not doing as well as he thought, and what he saw might be a false appearance, because jealousy can make people see false appearances. I was surprised that I said this. I felt it was Master giving me an opportunity to examine the problem of jealousy from another angle and telling me this principle. I also got another important inspiration from it: Opening up and sharing more can effectively resolve and eliminate barriers, and these barriers and suspicions are the soil for the growth of jealousy.

I will keep cultivating this issue and I am determined to get rid of my jealousy.

Eliminating Resentment

I have expectations for the outcome of everything. When reality does not meet my expectation I feel unhappy and resentful. I look outward, blame others, and feel resentful and jealous, “The outcome shouldn’t be like this. It's all your fault.”

I’m driven by emotion and often react to things based on how I feel physically or emotionally. I’m happy when encountering good things and feel resentful when things don’t go my way. The demon in my dimensional field who specializes in fanning the flames uses my emotions to create the substance of hatred and resentment.

I gradually realized that I am easily driven by feelings and emotions. When my emotions fluctuate, I try to calm down and think about why I feel overjoyed or have resentment, anxiety, or fear. I realized it was because I didn’t look at the situation as a cultivator.

I recently had two experiences of letting go of resentment. One was after a project was completed, and a team leader indirectly but harshly accused me. The other was when my xinxing was not good, I kept being insulted by people in China when I phoned them. Even though the incidents didn’t feel like much afterwards, but when they happened, I felt like I was being beaten, and the substance of resentment really wanted me to hate the other party.

I tried my best to recall the Fa principles, hold back my anger, and not have resentment for the other party. I felt that my thought karma was growing like weeds and it tried to prevent me from studying the Fa. I am grateful to the other practitioners who encouraged me to keep reading the Fa. When I read the Fa I couldn’t focus. Then, I suddenly noticed some sentences in the book that I hadn’t noticed before and I gradually sensed this demonic substance clearly. I firmly rejected it. As I continued to read the Fa, my heart suddenly opened up, and this substance was completely removed. I felt a lot of joy at that time, but I still couldn’t hold back my tears. I felt my knowing side knew Master was helping me eliminate this demonic substance.

I experienced a positive incident recently. I realized that I was about to hear some unpleasant words, and that demon was about to act up again. I noticed it in time because I want to cultivate myself. I now look forward to others pointing out my shortcomings that I have not yet found. I feel this will be very helpful for my cultivation.

Finding Answers in the Fa

I’m so grateful for Master’s compassion. Whenever I don’t do well in cultivation, I always find the answer in the Fa, or find clues in things or people around me. I know that as a practitioner, I can’t be driven by my emotions. I should cherish the people and things that expose my emotions. I should take these situations as opportunities to improve, deny the old forces’ arrangements, open up my heart, respect others, and walk the path of assisting Master in Fa-rectification.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!

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Category: Improving Oneself