(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Last September, I transferred from Niao Song High School in Taiwan to the Dance Department of Northern Academy of the Arts and am now in the 11th grade. I attended Northern Academy and studied there for two semesters five years ago.
Each time I’m in a new environment, I realize that nothing is accidental. My attending Northern Academy twice was all arranged by Master. I might not immediately realize these are Master’s arrangements and think they are just random events. But when I look back, I realize things happen at the right moment to pave my cultivation path. I’d like to tell you how my attachments were recently exposed.
When I was in Taiwan, daily Fa study and doing the exercises were required by the school I attended. After a while, I treated doing the three things as a formality rather than something I should want to do as a practitioner. When I was not diligent about my cultivation, I couldn’t help dozing off or being absent-minded even when I attended Fa study. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t absorb a word.
I later realized that if I treated Fa study and the exercises as a mandatory requirement and I did not understand why they are meaningful, I wouldn’t learn anything. No matter how much time I spent reading the teachings and doing the exercises I couldn’t calm down or absorb what I read. After I arrived at Northern Academy, I knew that no one would force me to study the Fa, and there are no set rules on what time I need to get up to do the exercises. Everything is voluntary. Whether one wants to cultivate or not is up to oneself. As I finally realized that studying the Fa and doing exercises is an act of self-discipline as a cultivator, I no longer dozed off. I treasure every day’s Fa study time and I became focused.
At first I was diligent about practicing the exercises every day. This lasted for one semester. Even I was impressed, but I became complacent. I thought, “I’m so determined; my cultivation state is pretty good.” These thoughts were wrong, but I didn’t realize it.
I started to slack off. I got up so early every day, and it was difficult to get out of bed. I fell asleep during the morning classes. I thought, “If I get up late, wouldn’t I have more energy?” I knew that I was just trying to find excuses and not get up so early to do the exercises. Laziness consumed me, and I started to deceive myself. This thought slowly expanded. Sometimes I stalled for half an hour to begin doing the exercises, and I felt I had a bit more energy when I did that. My strategy seemed to be working.
By the time I realized I was wrong, the problem was already serious. When I really wanted to get up at 5 a.m., it wasn’t as easy as before. I either slept through the alarm or didn’t hear it. I thought something was wrong with my alarm clock. Maybe the volume on my alarm was too low, and I needed to change the battery. After I changed the battery, I still couldn’t hear it, and I missed doing the exercises again. I even asked my roommate to set his alarm to wake me up. I thought his alarm would be loud enough. It still didn’t work.
I then understood, it was just like Master said,
“Some elderly students say, “Teacher, why do I feel uncomfortable all over my body? I always go to the hospital to get injections, but it doesn’t help. Taking medicine also doesn’t help.” They were not even embarrassed to say that to me! Of course, these treatments would not help. Those are not illnesses. How could they help? You may go ahead and have a physical exam. There is not anything wrong, but you just feel uncomfortable. We have a student who broke a few needles at a hospital. In the end, the liquid medicine squirted out, and the needle still would not penetrate. He came to understand, “Oh, I’m a practitioner, and I shouldn’t have injections.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I felt Master was talking about me. I tried everything possible, but nothing worked. In the end, I realized I didn’t treat myself as a cultivator. It had nothing to do with the alarm—it was my attachment. I wasn’t as diligent as before. Even though I tried to get up early every day, I was reluctant. When I lost my initial motivation to improve my cultivation, how could I persist? I felt ashamed. My complacency about being able to get up early became a loophole. After I discovered my attachment, I could hear my alarm again. I realized that when something doesn’t feel right, I need to examine myself rather than look outward.
In dance class, if I didn’t meet my expectations, even though the teacher didn’t correct me, I was not satisfied and felt I could have done better. There’s nothing wrong with being aware of one’s shortcomings, but my motivation was wrong. It became a psychological roadblock for my, and I was always depressed after class. I thought my dance movements could have been better, and I mistakenly thought this was because I set a high bar for myself. If after several attempts I still couldn’t reach my desired level, I was in a bad mood and couldn’t let it go. I felt terrible and couldn’t hold back my tears.
I started to doubt myself: “Why was I in the dance department?” I couldn’t stand my stiff postures I saw reflected in the mirror. The more I looked in the mirror, the more frustrated I felt. I was also afraid others were looking at me. I worried that they could see my weaknesses. My cover-up mentality made me shy away from dance.
Yet our dance requires movement from within. The mind leads the movement, the mind continues when the movement stops. My dance movements deviated from the requirement and I fell into a bad cycle. I just couldn’t understand: Why didn’t I make any progress? I was getting worse! I couldn’t figure out what the issue was. Going to dance class became torture.
One day I read in Zhuan Falun,
“Though you want to ascend, you cannot. They just do not let you move up. Why don’t they let you move up? It is because your xinxing has not improved.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I enlightened that this happened because my xinxing wasn’t improving. I was being dragged down by my attachment, so of course I couldn’t improve. All my frustration and the feeling I could have done better, weren’t out of a pure, good intention. I had an attachment to showing off. I was upset because I felt I was not good enough.
When I realized I wasn’t the best dancer in the class, I felt uneasy and jealous. My pride prevented me from dancing well. I just wanted to hide my shortcomings. I realized that when I danced with such a filthy mindset, there was no way I could make progress. I was filled with selfish desires and attachments and a show-off mentality, and my motive was not pure. These bad thoughts filled in my head, so naturally the outcome couldn’t be good.
If dance is my destiny, I need to get rid of all my attachments. I should cultivate both my body and my mind. On the surface, improving one’s skills has nothing to do with cultivation. But there is a strong correlation. As I discovered my attachments, I tried not to be negatively affected by my frustrations and remain calm. When someone complimented me, I reminded myself to be humble and not be complacent.
My cultivation path hasn’t been smooth, and I’ve stumbled a lot. I hope I can always remember what Master said: “...always cultivating as if you were just starting...” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Volume IX).
I should never forget the gratitude I felt when I was first enlightened to the truth. I need to catch up and cultivate diligently.
The above is just my sharing. Please kindly point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.
(Presented at the Northern Academy of the Arts Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference)